Random ruminations of a sassy Scot
My thoughts on life, love, the world, my ambitions, hopes and dreams
I’ve been very bad at blogging this year. At the beginning of the year I was pushing myself to apply for jobs and working through all of the triggers that reared their heads as I went along. Since then, I’ve been working hard. Getting to know my colleagues and team mates, learning the ropes in …
Continue reading “The year I fought back”
I don’t know what I want. Actually, that’s not strictly true. I do know what I want – what I can’t have. I want to be in a stable and secure relationship. I’d love to be married. My current status is complicated. I’m in a casual thing with a man that I am head over …
Continue reading “Insecurity & Anxiety”
I’m not quite sure where I’m going with this or what I’m trying to say, but here goes. I’m feeling anxious (nothing new there) and I’m trying to figure out what is going on. I’ve been offered a job and am waiting on approval of references. I’m delighted and nervous. I want to do my …
Continue reading “Fear of the unknown”
I had no idea back in March 2020 when Coronavirus first came to Ireland that 21 months later, it would still be here, still evolving and still dominating everyone’s lives. This is my second Christmas away from my family. I found last year very hard. I was very emotional and really felt alone. That was …
Continue reading “My Coronavirus Diary 15”
A lot has changed since my last post. I am now free having resigned from my job. Actually resigning caused me huge anxiety. It took me a long time first to compose and then to send the email. I hadn’t expected to have that reaction. Several months ago, I would have resigned in a heartbeat …
Continue reading “Freedom. Rejection and nightmares”
This is how I feel. I guess its better than feeling trapped which I was feeling but its still not a good feeling. I need to get unstuck so I can move forward. I’m still following my employers timeline. I need that chapter to be closed to allow me to move on. I haven’t the …
I have always been a worrier. If worrying was an Olympic event, I would win every single medal. Mr Worry was also my favourite book in the Little Misses and the Mr Men series, obviously because I identifed with the character! I have just spent the last four days worrying about something that won’t happen. …
Continue reading “A world of worry”
It’s March 2021. At time of writing we are still in level 5 restrictions and Easter is fast approaching. The Taoiseach seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth and the HSE message is #holdfirm. Hold firm. That’s what I’ve been doing for the last 12 months. I am beyond fed up of …
Continue reading “My Coronavirus diary 12”
I never thought that I’d write this post. I was being naive. I have recently been informed that none of my allegations of bullying against my supervisor have been substantiated. To say I was shocked is a massive understatement. (Read My experience of workplace bullying here) It really made me question myself. I know 100 …
Continue reading “Bullying….and beyond”
I am not good at this. If I’ve invested myself in something whether it is a job or a relationship, I really really struggle to let go and move on. The logical part of me knows that staying in my toxic workplace is not an option. It has trashed my confidence and mental health. I …
Continue reading “Letting go…”
After the report into bullying allegations against Priti Patel being delayed/ buried for months and the revelations this evening that her bullying behaviour was “unintentional” and so she likely won’t face any consequences, I feel compelled to share my feelings and experience. I am incandescent with rage. She knew exactly what she was doing and …
Continue reading “My experience of workplace bullying”
I’m struggling. My anxiety is through the roof. My sleep is disturbed. I just want to withdraw from the world. I know that I need to take action to resolve my work situation but I just can’t face it. I had a difficult conversation with my family at the weekend. Don’t get me wrong, they …
Continue reading “Overwhelmed”
We went to level 3 restrictions here on Wednesday. I wish I was optimistic that it will reduce the prevalence of Coronavirus cases but I’m not. I can see us heading for another total lockdown. To be fair, I think it will be the wake up call that we need. I have spent all week …
Continue reading “My Coronavirus diary 8”
I had an epiphany in the shower this morning. (This is where I do my best thinking.) I realised that my tormentor has been living inside my head ‘rent free’ zapping my confidence for years. I say tormentor but I now think of her as a dementor, who not only sucks the joy from life …
Continue reading “‘Rent free’…no more!”
I’m feeling quite stuck in my anxiety and my situation. I know that there is action I need to take and some loose ends that need tied up and I will get there. I’m not strong enough to face it just yet. (Truth be told, the thought of it makes me feel physically sick.) I’m …
Continue reading “Little victories”
