I had an epiphany in the shower this morning. (This is where I do my best thinking.) I realised that my tormentor has been living inside my head ‘rent free’ zapping my confidence for years.
I say tormentor but I now think of her as a dementor, who not only sucks the joy from life but also my self-confidence and my mental wellbeing. Yes I have just used a Harry Potter analogy at 41. It is who I am and I like who I am. (I do not agree with JK Rowling’s views on trans rights but I like the Harry Potter series of novels.)
I read Hillary Clinton’s two word reply to the President and it resonated with me. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it at the time but suddenly this morning as I shampooed my hair, it clicked. ‘Rent free!’ Not anymore. Pack your bags, you are out of here!!
So the time has come to issue the eviction notice and reclaim the space for happier thoughts. Counselling has definitely helped, I no longer believe that I am a failure. I know I am right and that their narrative is very different to my reality.
Taking time and having space away has also helped. I’m not quite ready to return to reality just yet though. I will continue to be kind to myself, acknowledge my strengths and work to continue to rebuild my self-confidence and mental wellbeing. I feel more positive knowing that I have reclaimed my headspace for me.
