Random ruminations of a sassy Scot
My thoughts on life, love, the world, my ambitions, hopes and dreams
I’ve been very bad at blogging this year. At the beginning of the year I was pushing myself to apply for jobs and working through all of the triggers that reared their heads as I went along. Since then, I’ve been working hard. Getting to know my colleagues and team mates, learning the ropes in …
Continue reading “The year I fought back”
I’m not quite sure where I’m going with this or what I’m trying to say, but here goes. I’m feeling anxious (nothing new there) and I’m trying to figure out what is going on. I’ve been offered a job and am waiting on approval of references. I’m delighted and nervous. I want to do my …
Continue reading “Fear of the unknown”
This is how I feel. I guess its better than feeling trapped which I was feeling but its still not a good feeling. I need to get unstuck so I can move forward. I’m still following my employers timeline. I need that chapter to be closed to allow me to move on. I haven’t the …
I’m facing a dilemma. Occupational Health are of the opinion that I am fit to return to work. I however, am not willing to return to the toxic situation that is my workplace nor the bullying manager that caused my anxiety. This is the reality that I am facing. I’m being pressured to go back …
Today is a good day. I finally feel that there is hope. I have had my first Covid vaccination. I know that I still need to be careful. I don’t think I’d feel comfortable not wearing my mask, using hand sanitiser, washing my hands and keeping my 2 metre social distance. I also know that …
Continue reading “My Coronavirus diary 14”
I know at 41, I am officially a grown up but in career terms, I’m only 20. Long gone are the days when you finish school, college or university and you work in the same job until you retire at 65. As it stands, I won’t receive my state pension until I’m 68 but that …
Continue reading “What DO I want to be when I grow up? Part 2.”
I never thought that I’d write this post. I was being naive. I have recently been informed that none of my allegations of bullying against my supervisor have been substantiated. To say I was shocked is a massive understatement. (Read My experience of workplace bullying here) It really made me question myself. I know 100 …
Continue reading “Bullying….and beyond”
I am not good at this. If I’ve invested myself in something whether it is a job or a relationship, I really really struggle to let go and move on. The logical part of me knows that staying in my toxic workplace is not an option. It has trashed my confidence and mental health. I …
Continue reading “Letting go…”
I had an epiphany in the shower this morning. (This is where I do my best thinking.) I realised that my tormentor has been living inside my head ‘rent free’ zapping my confidence for years. I say tormentor but I now think of her as a dementor, who not only sucks the joy from life …
Continue reading “‘Rent free’…no more!”
I’m feeling quite stuck in my anxiety and my situation. I know that there is action I need to take and some loose ends that need tied up and I will get there. I’m not strong enough to face it just yet. (Truth be told, the thought of it makes me feel physically sick.) I’m …
Continue reading “Little victories”
I’m not quite sure where to start. My anxiety is strong right now for lots of reasons, Coronavirus included. I am relieved that we did not enter phase 4 of the reopening today as planned. The increase in the number of cases being reported daily is worrying. Not huge numbers, but when it crept back …
Continue reading “My Coronavirus diary 6”
As I write this, Ireland are about to enter Phase 2 of loosening the lockdown restrictions. The number of daily deaths is in single figures, the number of new confirmed cases per day is in double figures. All of the deaths are tragic, leaving families bereaved and funerals held privately. This is not how we …
Continue reading “My Coronavirus diary 5”
It’s late May 2020, the world is still confused. Coronavirus is still in control. Lockdown restrictions are starting to lift but life is still far from normal. I honestly can’t see life going back to what used to be normal. Life is very much on hold. I’m no longer feeling as frustrated, now it’s more …
Continue reading “My Coronavirus diary 4”
Today hasn’t been the best day. Last night, I had horrible nightmares of being chased, looking for something and not finding it and just a sense of dread/ fear. This resulted in my sleeping in and then struggling to be productive whilst working from home. The soundtrack of a power washer all day really didn’t …
Continue reading “My Coronavirus diary 2”
I’ve previously written about the impact of my low levels of Vitamin D on my mental and physical health. (Vitamin D, depression and me) It’s several weeks now since I finished my course of high strength Vitamin D capsules. I’ve been reluctant to go back to my GP for the repeat bloods, purely due to …
Continue reading “Vitamin D, depression and me – part 2”
