Random ruminations of a sassy Scot
My thoughts on life, love, the world, my ambitions, hopes and dreams
I am not good at this. If I’ve invested myself in something whether it is a job or a relationship, I really really struggle to let go and move on. The logical part of me knows that staying in my toxic workplace is not an option. It has trashed my confidence and mental health. I …
Continue reading “Letting go…”
I’ll start this by saying that I am totally fed up. The level 5 restrictions have been extended until March 5th. Numbers are very slowly coming down here. I know it needs to be done and my anxiety level over Coronavirus has been really high since before Christmas, especially knowing that there are several more …
Continue reading “My Coronavirus diary 11”
My sleep has been crap for months despite being on medication. I wake several times during the night and struggle to get back to sleep. My mind is going ninety – mainly about work. Recently this has progressed to being unable to sleep at all. Tonight/ this morning is one of these nights. At 5:20am, …
My anxiety comes and goes but when it’s here, it is bad. Today, it is very much making it’s presence felt. I know why I’m feeling anxious, but it doesn’t make it easier. The sick feeling in my stomach and constant feeling of impending doom. My mood is also very low today. I have low …
Continue reading “Anxiety 2020 – an update”
After the report into bullying allegations against Priti Patel being delayed/ buried for months and the revelations this evening that her bullying behaviour was “unintentional” and so she likely won’t face any consequences, I feel compelled to share my feelings and experience. I am incandescent with rage. She knew exactly what she was doing and …
Continue reading “My experience of workplace bullying”
I’m struggling. My anxiety is through the roof. My sleep is disturbed. I just want to withdraw from the world. I know that I need to take action to resolve my work situation but I just can’t face it. I had a difficult conversation with my family at the weekend. Don’t get me wrong, they …
Continue reading “Overwhelmed”
We’re currently 18 days into lockdown 2 here in Ireland. The difference is that this time the schools are open and when shopping we’re limited to ‘essential items’ which means that the clothes sections in supermarkets are closed off. This wasn’t true in our original lockdown. I find myself feeling hugely relieved. Had the government …
Continue reading “My Coronavirus diary 9”
We went to level 3 restrictions here on Wednesday. I wish I was optimistic that it will reduce the prevalence of Coronavirus cases but I’m not. I can see us heading for another total lockdown. To be fair, I think it will be the wake up call that we need. I have spent all week …
Continue reading “My Coronavirus diary 8”
I had an epiphany in the shower this morning. (This is where I do my best thinking.) I realised that my tormentor has been living inside my head ‘rent free’ zapping my confidence for years. I say tormentor but I now think of her as a dementor, who not only sucks the joy from life …
Continue reading “‘Rent free’…no more!”
I’m feeling quite stuck in my anxiety and my situation. I know that there is action I need to take and some loose ends that need tied up and I will get there. I’m not strong enough to face it just yet. (Truth be told, the thought of it makes me feel physically sick.) I’m …
Continue reading “Little victories”
It’s late August 2020. The weather has definitely turned cooler recently and we’ve just had Storm Ellen. The first of many no doubt. Coronavirus is still very much with us. Numbers of cases over the past few weeks have increased alarmingly. This day last week there were 200 new cases. The highest since May! I …
Continue reading “My Coronavirus Diary 7”
I’m not quite sure where to start. My anxiety is strong right now for lots of reasons, Coronavirus included. I am relieved that we did not enter phase 4 of the reopening today as planned. The increase in the number of cases being reported daily is worrying. Not huge numbers, but when it crept back …
Continue reading “My Coronavirus diary 6”
I’m just not feeling it right now. Truth be told, I haven’t been feeling it for quite a while. I am missing my sass. It is nowhere to be found. Today I put on some make up, thinking that if I looked more like me than I might feel more like me. Funnily enough, it …
Continue reading “Feeling a little lost”
I’m just not feeling it right now. Truth be told, I haven’t been feeling it for quite a while. I am missing my sass. It is nowhere to be found. Today I put on some make up, thinking that if I looked more like me than I might feel more like me. Funnily enough, it …
Continue reading “Feeling a little lost”
I’ve had a set back and I’m struggling. I desperately don’t want to go back to the very dark place I found myself in last year. I feel like I’m teetering on the edge though. I’m recovering from a (stress induced) migraine. Even though I felt awful, I had a very obvious feeling of relief …
Continue reading “Anxiety 2020 – Part 2”
