Random ruminations of a sassy Scot
My thoughts on life, love, the world, my ambitions, hopes and dreams
I’ve been very bad at blogging this year. At the beginning of the year I was pushing myself to apply for jobs and working through all of the triggers that reared their heads as I went along. Since then, I’ve been working hard. Getting to know my colleagues and team mates, learning the ropes in …
Continue reading “The year I fought back”
I don’t know what I want. Actually, that’s not strictly true. I do know what I want – what I can’t have. I want to be in a stable and secure relationship. I’d love to be married. My current status is complicated. I’m in a casual thing with a man that I am head over …
Continue reading “Insecurity & Anxiety”
I’m not quite sure where I’m going with this or what I’m trying to say, but here goes. I’m feeling anxious (nothing new there) and I’m trying to figure out what is going on. I’ve been offered a job and am waiting on approval of references. I’m delighted and nervous. I want to do my …
Continue reading “Fear of the unknown”
I’m finding myself struggling increasingly with patience. Not with other people but with myself. I’m still jobhunting. I’m applying and getting some interviews but I just can’t convert it to a job offer. I know that I’m trying my best and doing what I can. Where I’m struggling is accepting that while I have done …
Continue reading “Patience is a virtue…”
A lot has changed since my last post. I am now free having resigned from my job. Actually resigning caused me huge anxiety. It took me a long time first to compose and then to send the email. I hadn’t expected to have that reaction. Several months ago, I would have resigned in a heartbeat …
Continue reading “Freedom. Rejection and nightmares”
This is how I feel. I guess its better than feeling trapped which I was feeling but its still not a good feeling. I need to get unstuck so I can move forward. I’m still following my employers timeline. I need that chapter to be closed to allow me to move on. I haven’t the …
Today is a good day. I finally feel that there is hope. I have had my first Covid vaccination. I know that I still need to be careful. I don’t think I’d feel comfortable not wearing my mask, using hand sanitiser, washing my hands and keeping my 2 metre social distance. I also know that …
Continue reading “My Coronavirus diary 14”
I know at 41, I am officially a grown up but in career terms, I’m only 20. Long gone are the days when you finish school, college or university and you work in the same job until you retire at 65. As it stands, I won’t receive my state pension until I’m 68 but that …
Continue reading “What DO I want to be when I grow up? Part 2.”
I never thought that I’d write this post. I was being naive. I have recently been informed that none of my allegations of bullying against my supervisor have been substantiated. To say I was shocked is a massive understatement. (Read My experience of workplace bullying here) It really made me question myself. I know 100 …
Continue reading “Bullying….and beyond”
I am not good at this. If I’ve invested myself in something whether it is a job or a relationship, I really really struggle to let go and move on. The logical part of me knows that staying in my toxic workplace is not an option. It has trashed my confidence and mental health. I …
Continue reading “Letting go…”
After the report into bullying allegations against Priti Patel being delayed/ buried for months and the revelations this evening that her bullying behaviour was “unintentional” and so she likely won’t face any consequences, I feel compelled to share my feelings and experience. I am incandescent with rage. She knew exactly what she was doing and …
Continue reading “My experience of workplace bullying”
I had an epiphany in the shower this morning. (This is where I do my best thinking.) I realised that my tormentor has been living inside my head ‘rent free’ zapping my confidence for years. I say tormentor but I now think of her as a dementor, who not only sucks the joy from life …
Continue reading “‘Rent free’…no more!”
I’m just not feeling it right now. Truth be told, I haven’t been feeling it for quite a while. I am missing my sass. It is nowhere to be found. Today I put on some make up, thinking that if I looked more like me than I might feel more like me. Funnily enough, it …
Continue reading “Feeling a little lost”
I’m just not feeling it right now. Truth be told, I haven’t been feeling it for quite a while. I am missing my sass. It is nowhere to be found. Today I put on some make up, thinking that if I looked more like me than I might feel more like me. Funnily enough, it …
Continue reading “Feeling a little lost”
Hello anxiety my old friend…we meet again. It’s been a tough week and I’ve found myself feeling triggered and anxious. It’s been a while since I last felt this way and I’m not relishing feeling this way at the moment. It started on Monday with a Skype call. I say call, it was more of …
Continue reading “Anxiety 2020”
