Random ruminations of a sassy Scot
My thoughts on life, love, the world, my ambitions, hopes and dreams
I can feel my anxiety levels rising. The date where Ireland will start to loosen the lockdown (May 18th) is approaching a little too quickly for me. I’m worried that the number of cases of Coronavirus will rise again. It feels like there are already more cars on the road. Queues for shops are longer …
Continue reading “My Coronavirus diary 3”
It’s been a while since I’ve been the person in a relationship who was the one who wanted to continue the relationship. I have to say, it hurts like hell. Rejection always does. I’m finding this really difficult. It’s so different from my last relationship break up. I ended that relationship, I’d given all I …
Continue reading “My emotional rollercoaster”
There are some things that I just don’t understand and never will. The main one is how two people who love each other, get on well, have chemistry, enjoy talking to each other, spending time together and have a lot in common cannot continue in a relationship. My now ex and I were talking earlier, …
Continue reading “Feelings are tricky things”
I find myself single again. Last week, my now ex boyfriend told me that continuing our relationship when he couldn’t make time to spend with me wasn’t fair on me. I did not see this coming. I figured that once his work schedule change, things would get better. A week on, we are now engaged …
Continue reading “Relationship woes”
Recently, I’ve come to realise that there are events in my life that I haven’t grieved or am grieving but haven’t realised. (Grieving my childlessness) It’s made me realise that actually, I’m not good at grief. Grief is something that we will sadly all experience but nobody teaches us how to do it. It’s one …
Continue reading “Grief and loss”
I think I’ve figured out one of the keys to my mental health struggles and my recent recurrence of anxiety. I’m terrified that I won’t be able to have a baby. I have absolutely no evidence as to my fertility or lack of. I’ve never tried to conceive and have always used contraception in my …
Continue reading “Grieving my childlessness”
Having been overweight for many years, I’ve tried lots of different ways to lose weight (Slimming World, Weight watchers twice, calorie counting, low carb) and having had varying degrees of success losing and then regaining more weight, this time it needs to be different. The run up to Christmas may not be the wisest time …
Continue reading “Healthy body, healthy mind”
I’ve called this my bucket list but I could just as easily have named it my list of life goals. Either way, here and in no particular order, is my list: 1. Have a baby 2. Get married 3. Go back to New York 4. Learn Italian 5. Own my own home 6. Write a …
Continue reading “My bucket list”
As a part of the process to get to the route cause of my recent high blood pressure, I’ve been having different tests and scans. Blood tests are always a challenge, especially if I’ve had to fast first. My veins just disappear into my body and I end up looking like a bruised pincushion! Of …
Continue reading “Heart of the matter”
Today, I finally sat down and composed my grievance document for work. It has made me feel sick with anxiety and taken me back to a very stressful and unhappy time. I’ve been avoiding it. I’ve attempted it several times and parked it as my anxiety levels went through the roof. In all honesty, I …
