Random ruminations of a sassy Scot
My thoughts on life, love, the world, my ambitions, hopes and dreams
I’ve been very bad at blogging this year. At the beginning of the year I was pushing myself to apply for jobs and working through all of the triggers that reared their heads as I went along. Since then, I’ve been working hard. Getting to know my colleagues and team mates, learning the ropes in …
Continue reading “The year I fought back”
I don’t know what I want. Actually, that’s not strictly true. I do know what I want – what I can’t have. I want to be in a stable and secure relationship. I’d love to be married. My current status is complicated. I’m in a casual thing with a man that I am head over …
Continue reading “Insecurity & Anxiety”
I’m not quite sure where I’m going with this or what I’m trying to say, but here goes. I’m feeling anxious (nothing new there) and I’m trying to figure out what is going on. I’ve been offered a job and am waiting on approval of references. I’m delighted and nervous. I want to do my …
Continue reading “Fear of the unknown”
I’m finding myself struggling increasingly with patience. Not with other people but with myself. I’m still jobhunting. I’m applying and getting some interviews but I just can’t convert it to a job offer. I know that I’m trying my best and doing what I can. Where I’m struggling is accepting that while I have done …
Continue reading “Patience is a virtue…”
My sleep is terrible. I’m permanently tired. If I do have a night where I sleep well, it’s because I took a sleeping tablet. I don’t do it often because they can be addictive and I don’t need any other issues. I know it’s not sleep. It’s chemical but desperate times and all that. I …
Continue reading “Sleep and Anxiety”
I am very anxious. NPHET have basically given the Irish government a free pass to end all Coronavirus restrictions here in Ireland. While I freely acknowledge that we cannot and should not live under restrictions for any longer than is necessary, it has just been announced that the Cabinet have given the go ahead to …
Continue reading “My Coronavirus diary 16”
I had no idea back in March 2020 when Coronavirus first came to Ireland that 21 months later, it would still be here, still evolving and still dominating everyone’s lives. This is my second Christmas away from my family. I found last year very hard. I was very emotional and really felt alone. That was …
Continue reading “My Coronavirus Diary 15”
A lot has changed since my last post. I am now free having resigned from my job. Actually resigning caused me huge anxiety. It took me a long time first to compose and then to send the email. I hadn’t expected to have that reaction. Several months ago, I would have resigned in a heartbeat …
Continue reading “Freedom. Rejection and nightmares”
This is how I feel. I guess its better than feeling trapped which I was feeling but its still not a good feeling. I need to get unstuck so I can move forward. I’m still following my employers timeline. I need that chapter to be closed to allow me to move on. I haven’t the …
I’m facing a dilemma. Occupational Health are of the opinion that I am fit to return to work. I however, am not willing to return to the toxic situation that is my workplace nor the bullying manager that caused my anxiety. This is the reality that I am facing. I’m being pressured to go back …
Today is a good day. I finally feel that there is hope. I have had my first Covid vaccination. I know that I still need to be careful. I don’t think I’d feel comfortable not wearing my mask, using hand sanitiser, washing my hands and keeping my 2 metre social distance. I also know that …
Continue reading “My Coronavirus diary 14”
I know at 41, I am officially a grown up but in career terms, I’m only 20. Long gone are the days when you finish school, college or university and you work in the same job until you retire at 65. As it stands, I won’t receive my state pension until I’m 68 but that …
Continue reading “What DO I want to be when I grow up? Part 2.”
Its April 2021, we are still in level 5. Construction has restarted and all children are back in school. I feel that this is really positive, the government (who are making a total balls of their handling of the pandemic) have consistently failed and ignored Ireland’s children were right to prioritise school reopening above all …
Continue reading “My Coronavirus diary 13”
I have always been a worrier. If worrying was an Olympic event, I would win every single medal. Mr Worry was also my favourite book in the Little Misses and the Mr Men series, obviously because I identifed with the character! I have just spent the last four days worrying about something that won’t happen. …
Continue reading “A world of worry”
I never thought that I’d write this post. I was being naive. I have recently been informed that none of my allegations of bullying against my supervisor have been substantiated. To say I was shocked is a massive understatement. (Read My experience of workplace bullying here) It really made me question myself. I know 100 …
Continue reading “Bullying….and beyond”
