Random ruminations of a sassy Scot
My thoughts on life, love, the world, my ambitions, hopes and dreams
I know at 41, I am officially a grown up but in career terms, I’m only 20. Long gone are the days when you finish school, college or university and you work in the same job until you retire at 65. As it stands, I won’t receive my state pension until I’m 68 but that …
Continue reading “What DO I want to be when I grow up? Part 2.”
It’s been a while since I’ve been the person in a relationship who was the one who wanted to continue the relationship. I have to say, it hurts like hell. Rejection always does. I’m finding this really difficult. It’s so different from my last relationship break up. I ended that relationship, I’d given all I …
Continue reading “My emotional rollercoaster”
There are some things that I just don’t understand and never will. The main one is how two people who love each other, get on well, have chemistry, enjoy talking to each other, spending time together and have a lot in common cannot continue in a relationship. My now ex and I were talking earlier, …
Continue reading “Feelings are tricky things”
I find myself single again. Last week, my now ex boyfriend told me that continuing our relationship when he couldn’t make time to spend with me wasn’t fair on me. I did not see this coming. I figured that once his work schedule change, things would get better. A week on, we are now engaged …
Continue reading “Relationship woes”
I think I’ve figured out one of the keys to my mental health struggles and my recent recurrence of anxiety. I’m terrified that I won’t be able to have a baby. I have absolutely no evidence as to my fertility or lack of. I’ve never tried to conceive and have always used contraception in my …
Continue reading “Grieving my childlessness”
I reached the age of majority, i.e. voting age at 18. At 40, I have been eligible and registered to vote for 22 years. I no longer live in the UK nor am I registered to vote there but my family and friends still live there and are impacted upon the results of referenda and …
Continue reading “Are we in a parallel universe?”
One of my very close friends had her 40th birthday this week and we celebrated with a party. I very nearly didn’t go. I was so anxious about travelling on my own. My friend and I met on the very first day of the first week of term in our first year at University. We’ve …
Continue reading “Rediscovering my sassy self”
Its 11:20pm. I’m wide awake. I’m exhausted but I can’t sleep. I have a pain behind my right eye that I’m hoping won’t develop into a migraine. I’m battling with a dilemma. I don’t know what to do. I have a 40th birthday party to attend next week. I’ve booked and paid for my hotel …
Continue reading “Financial woes”
As a part of the process to get to the route cause of my recent high blood pressure, I’ve been having different tests and scans. Blood tests are always a challenge, especially if I’ve had to fast first. My veins just disappear into my body and I end up looking like a bruised pincushion! Of …
Continue reading “Heart of the matter”
Today, I finally sat down and composed my grievance document for work. It has made me feel sick with anxiety and taken me back to a very stressful and unhappy time. I’ve been avoiding it. I’ve attempted it several times and parked it as my anxiety levels went through the roof. In all honesty, I …
I feel like I’m at a real crossroads. I’m imminently about to turn 40. I think I’m still in denial about that….I don’t feel 40. I don’t even know what being 40 should feel like! In my head, I’m still 21. I think that 40 is a really grown up age, I’m nowhere near a …
I am not perfect. I make mistakes. Sometimes I speak without thinking. Sometimes what I say comes out wrong. Sometimes I say the wrong thing. Some days I feel like I can take on the world, other days getting out of bed is a challenge. I try my best. I’m still learning. My mental health …
Continue reading “A work in progress”
I’ve kept a diary for years, my memory isn’t great so it’s nice to have a record of my life. I also find it therapeutic. Its nice to have somewhere to note my thoughts, fears, worries, hopes and successes. I know that living in the past is not healthy. I am happy in the present …
Continue reading “Looking back to move forward”
On International Friendship Day, this seems very appropriate. I’m lucky that I have amazing friends. I may not have a huge number but those that I have are worth their weight in gold and I wouldn’t swap that for all the money in the world. Life may have taken us in different directions and we …
So as that magical day at the end of the month approaches (pay day), this month I am not looking forward to it. I look forward to pay day every month. I love seeing my bank balance look healthy and in the black – no matter how briefly – before the bill payments and other …
Continue reading “Money’s Too Tight To Mention….”
