There’s nothing I can put my finger on specifically. I just feel a bit bleurgh. I don’t think my mental health is declining again – I’m still taking my medication. I feel really tired. I feel a bit fed up and a bit blue.
I’m totally lacking inspiration. I want to get into making greetings cards but the materials I’ve ordered from EBay are taking an eternity to arrive!!! I’m still waiting on Christmas card materials that I ordered in November!!! At this rate, it’ll probably be Easter before my Valentine’s Day materials arrive!! (Patience is not one of my strong points.)
I’ve also noticed that my tolerance levels are low. I find myself feeling annoyed at having to get up repeatedly while my cat decides if he wants to go out, come back in or have something to eat. I’m reaping the results of me sitting beside him while he eats. I know that all he wants is some attention, especially after I’ve been at work all day. I’m annoyed at my impatience with him. Its me who has the problem, not him. He loves me and is so sweet when he cuddles into me.
I’m also struggling with how little time my boyfriend and I seem to have to spend together. He has a long commute and add in Daddy duty, it’s hard for us to schedule time together. I’m finding it hard.
I’ll be honest, January is not my favourite month. After Christmas, I could quite happily hibernate till spring. Not getting paid till January 30th is also not helping. I’m limited in my ability to spend so can’t buy the materials to let me make cards. It also means that I’m limited in what I can cook – I’m already fed up of eating soup and pasta. I feel restricted. I’m also sick and tired of constantly worrying about money.
Getting up is such a struggle at the moment. Its dark and wet and miserable. I just want to stay in bed and sleep. I feel like I’m not getting enough sleep. I’m also having very vivid dreams and quite dark dreams too.
I want and need to get outside but it’s challenging when it’s dark before work in the morning and after work in the evening, not to mention the rain. It rains a lot here. Its winter, it happens.
I realized the other day that one of my clients (who is very negative and intense) is triggering me. I find them hard work and I really need to be very conscious of what I say. I am always professional but they leave me feeling drained. I need to find a way to manage this or I’ll slip back very quickly and I just can’t go back there again.
For now, I’m hoping that this too shall pass and I’ll be feeling more like myself again soon. Till then I’ll just need to snuggle up with my cat, keep taking my medication and wait.
