I know at 41, I am officially a grown up but in career terms, I’m only 20. Long gone are the days when you finish school, college or university and you work in the same job until you retire at 65. As it stands, I won’t receive my state pension until I’m 68 but that will no doubt change! I’m not great with money but one grown up thing I have always done is pay into a private pension!
I have worked in the same career for the last 14 years. Despite what my bullying boss has had the company believe, I am good at my job and am a skilled professional. The truth is, that if I’m being completely honest with myself, my heart is no longer in it. I’m in need of a change and a new challenge. Not to mention that leaving that toxicity behind is long overdue.
This is where I am stuck. What do I do next? Apart from my time out sick over the past 2 years, I have worked since I graduated. I am so used to having a salary. This has not been the case recently, I’ve exhausted my sick pay entitlement and state sick pay barely covers my rent. This situation does nothing to ease my anxiety. Which in turn doesn’t help me to answer what new direction I want to go in.
I have been job hunting so I can escape the toxic environment that is my current workplace. Options are limited and will involve a significant paycut. That said, it’ll be more than I’m surviving on at the moment and the benefit to my mental health will be priceless. To be honest, I need to get something so I can start earning again. I figure that I can then really sit down and think seriously about my future direction.
My anxiety has been high lately and my sleep is suffering. I really need to focus my efforts and find a job. The alternative is having to go back and face my tormentor while I keep looking. I really can’t face it or them. Not to mention that my doctor won’t sign me back to work there.
Truth be told, what I have experienced (http://sassyscot79.org/my-experience-of-workplace-bullying) has really knocked my confidence and made it challenging for me to sell myself in job applications. This is something that has always been difficult for me. I can tell you 50 things I’d like to change or do better off the top of my head but you virtually need to pin me down to get me to tell you what I’m good at or skilled in. It’s aways been something that I have worked on but now more than ever!
I just have to have faith that everything will work out. I know I am better than what I have experienced. I know I deserve better than I have experienced. So it is onwards and upwards for me. New opportunities and a healthy work environment await.
