One of my very close friends had her 40th birthday this week and we celebrated with a party. I very nearly didn’t go. I was so anxious about travelling on my own. My friend and I met on the very first day of the first week of term in our first year at University. We’ve been friends ever since.
I’m so very lucky that no matter or how many weeks, months or sometimes years go by – we always pick up exactly where we left off as if no time at all has elapsed. 18 year old me wouldn’t have thought twice about going. Truth be told, 20 and 30 year old me wouldn’t either. The last 2 years have really seen my confidence hit the floor. Add anxiety and depression into the mix and my confident younger self had all but vanished.
I had sleepless nights agonising about going. Admittedly not helped by my precarious financial situation. I’m annoyed at myself that I’ve let bad management at work impact me so much. I’ve bad bad managers before and always shrugged it off, after all, they were the ones with the problem. Unfortunately this time; the combination of a bad relationship and subsequent break down, my poor physical health and work issue took its toll.
What changed my mind was thinking about my younger self. Yes, I was anxious then but younger me would have moved heaven and earth to attend. I would have let nothing stop me. So, empowered by the thoughts of my younger self. I got on the plane, bus and train necessary and I went to the party.
It was an amazing night. It was so good to catch up with my friend and her husband. Her Mum gave me the most enormous hug and we both got a bit emotional. Many a weekend I stayed with my friend and her parents. We went out clubbing till all hours of the night and morning. There were always bacon sandwiches ready for us when we eventually surfaced! It was like having a second home when I was living away from home for the first time.
The DJ was amazing. It was like we had travelled back in time to our Uni days, sharing stories and memories. Dancing the night away and reliving our younger days. In my head I will be forever 21.
I can’t believe that I nearly let anxiety rob me of that. I will forever be delighted that I kicked its ass and conquered my unfounded fears. Proof if ever it were needed that anxiety messes with your mind and can be beaten. Next plan is rediscover my confidence and stop letting my manager walk all over me. They have the problem. I’m on the way back to being me again…watch out world, Sassy is coming for you!
