I’m finding myself struggling increasingly with patience. Not with other people but with myself. I’m still jobhunting. I’m applying and getting some interviews but I just can’t convert it to a job offer.
I know that I’m trying my best and doing what I can. Where I’m struggling is accepting that while I have done the best I can on the day, I don’t feel I’ve done my ultimate best. Let me explain. I’ve had quite a lot of interviews over the last few months, most of which I’ve come out of feeling like I’ve presented myself and my skills well. From these, I’ve been told that I came second. I’m kind of okay with that if someone else has more experience than me there’s nothing I can do about that.
Where I’m impatient with myself is with the interviews where I feel like I was waffly and didn’t give the best account of myself despite thorough preparation. I compare my performance to those interviews that I placed second. I know its not helpful but still I do it and then mentally beat myself up over it. I also compare myself to my previous run of interview successes where I got the job I applied for. There may be an element of rose tinted spectacles creeping in as there were applications along the way where I wasn’t even shortlisted for interview
I need to learn to accept that doing my best is about doing my best on the day and that best could be very different to my best on another day. I need to stop comparing. I am human, not a robot. I’m different every day and that’s okay.
My anxiety is also playing a part in this. I am anxious about money. I’m anxious about paying my bills and while I know that I did the right thing in resigning from my last job. I’m anxious about having left the security of a permanent job and not having anything lined up to move to. I also know that these thoughts are not helpful.
This brings me back to patience. I’m applying for jobs and getting interviews. This is positive. I’m being persistent and applying for lots of jobs so giving myself lots of potential opportunities. I’m getting feedback and applying it to my preparation which will also increase my likelihood of success. I am doing all the right things and everything I can to get a new job and make a fresh start. I know that despite everything I have overcome, I am and will be an asset to my new employer. I just need to be patient and have faith that the right job will come along and I will be the right candidate with the right skills on the right day. I just need to be patient.
