I can feel my anxiety levels rising. The date where Ireland will start to loosen the lockdown (May 18th) is approaching a little too quickly for me. I’m worried that the number of cases of Coronavirus will rise again. It feels like there are already more cars on the road. Queues for shops are longer and I nearly had a full on hissy fit in the supermarket yesterday because there were a ridiculous number of people in the aisle I needed to be in. That and the fact that someone tried to cut in in front of me as I waited nearly tipped me over the edge!!
I long to be able to walk along a beach. I really need to be near the sea. I find it so soothing. To be unable to do that is really hard. I miss being around people. Much as I like my own company, I like talking to people. The weather has been beautiful, making me wish I could sit drinking ice cold cider in a beer garden somewhere. I know that when the time is right, I’ll be able to do those things. I just need to be patient – not one of my strong points.
Talk of a second surge also raises my anxiety levels. I know that the virus will be around until such times as there is a vaccine and everyone is vaccinated. I know that it’s only May but I’m worried about whether I’ll be able to go home to see my family at Christmas. I’d be terrified at the thought of potentially infecting my parents. I’m in no hurry to get on an aero plane and breathe in all that recycled air. Not to mention how impossible social distancing at any airport will be, especially at a peak time like Christmas. I know it’s totally out of my control but it doesn’t stop me worrying about it.
This morning I discovered that a cat had used one of my flower pots as a toilet, disrupting most of my cornflower seedlings. I’m gutted. I tried my best to rescue what I could, sowed a few more and also sowed forget me not seeds too. I’ve used twigs to try and protect the remaining seedlings. Fingers crossed, they survive and my freshly sown seeds thrive and grow. I’m also slightly worried about the weather turning colder, I hope it won’t damage them.
My biological clock is also getting me down. Is Coronavirus going to put paid to any chance I have of becoming a Mum? I know that stressing about it won’t change anything. I just need to have faith that everything will work out. It’ll be alright in the end and if it’s not alright, it’s not the end.
