Its 11:20pm. I’m wide awake. I’m exhausted but I can’t sleep. I have a pain behind my right eye that I’m hoping won’t develop into a migraine. I’m battling with a dilemma. I don’t know what to do. I have a 40th birthday party to attend next week. I’ve booked and paid for my hotel and planned my outfit. The problem is, I really can’t afford to go.
Not being at work and having exhausted my sick pay entitlement means my funds are very limited. I’ve spent my contingency and have had to borrow money to attempt to cover my bills. I really hate borrowing money. It makes me feel like I’ve failed. If I go, I’ll need money for diesel, for food and to buy my drinks at the party. I’ll also need to pay for my cat to stay in the cattery. Its money that I just don’t have. Not helped by the unexpected trip to the vets prompted by my cat vomiting a worm this morning. That’s another story.
On the other hand, my friend will only be forty once. We’ve been friends a long time and it has been far too long since we last met up. I really don’t know what to do. If I cancel my travel plans, I won’t get a refund so it’ll be a waste of money. My friend will be disappointed and I’ll feel like the biggest bitch walking the earth. I have to go. It’ll be a great party and good to catch up.
As for the money, I have no idea where I’ll find it. I’ve signed up to a few survey websites, I’ve earned a couple of €10 Tesco vouchers and €10 through paypal. Its slow going though, certainly not a way to get rich quick!! I’ve never been in this situation before. I’ve had money worries before – the threat of redundancy, a 9.5% pay cut and earlier this year when I first went out sick (Money’s Too Tight To Mention….) This time its different. I really have no wriggle room. No contingency and my credit card is maxed out. Extending my overdraft (if it was approved) is just creating more debt.
I’m forty. I should have my shit together financially. I don’t. I’m giving myself a really hard time for not having my finances in order. Money has never motivated me so I don’t have a massive salary. I still have debt from my student days. This is not where I thought I’d be at forty. Not being able to pay my bills is mortifying. Even when I do get back to work, it’ll be the end of that month that I get paid. All my bills are due at the start of the month. I have no idea how I’ll get back on track?
I know that money doesn’t buy happiness but it certainly makes life a hell of a lot easier.
