There are some things that I just don’t understand and never will. The main one is how two people who love each other, get on well, have chemistry, enjoy talking to each other, spending time together and have a lot in common cannot continue in a relationship.
My now ex and I were talking earlier, we were joking about us having a baby with a personality and attitude like the character Groundskeeper Willie in The Simpsons…I was placid as a baby and neither of us has red hair so highly unlikely!! Never mind the fact that we’re no longer together so won’t be having a baby together!!
In the current Coronavirus pandemic, having a baby is both the last thing on my mind and foremost in my thoughts. I’m already scared that at forty, I’ve missed my chance to have a baby (Grieving my childlessness) never mind that I’m now having to come to terms with the fact that my ex will not be the father of my child(ren.)
I heard earlier on that a friend of a friend (same age as me) is pregnant. While I am really pleased for her, I have to admit to feeling jealous. I’m not proud of myself but I feel what I feel. I really want to be a Mum. Being single and childless at forty was not something I’d ever considered. Now it’s very real and I’m worried that it’ll stay this way.
All I can do, is heal. Grieve my last relationship and focus on the future. I’ll look forward to a time when I have healed and feel ready to put myself back out there and start dating again. (Also when the current restrictions have lifted and life will feel a bit more normal again.) Hopefully I’ll find my Mr Right and be able to start a family.
