This evening, I’m comfort eating after going all day without eating. I have no appetite. I really can’t face going back to work. I’m dreading it. I know I need to go back but I need to look for something else. I can’t do this long term. I’m not 100% sure, I’ll be able to do it short term.
I’m also not looking forward to leaving my cat. We’re both used to our routine. I don’t like change unless I’ve chosen it or it feels like a positive thing. This does not feel positive.
I’m feeling crap because I’m eating crap and I’m eating crap because I’m feeling crap. I’m caught in a viscious cycle. I haven’t the energy or motivation to break it. Either way, I feel sick.
If I could run away, I would. I feel like I’m willingly exposing myself to the same toxic environment that ultimately led me to go out sick. Why would anyone do that to themselves? I know I’ve worked hard to get to this point in my career but I could quite happily walk away from it. No job is worth feeling this way.
When I go back, I need to stick it out. Going back and then going out sick again is not an option. I feel like I have no way to escape. I have to sort out my finances, I need to reduce my debts and have a contingency fund.
I’d love to fast forward to Christmas. I’ll hopefully have some paid holidays then. This is not healthy, I haven’t even gone back and I’m already thinking about time off.
