I’m just not feeling it right now. Truth be told, I haven’t been feeling it for quite a while. I am missing my sass. It is nowhere to be found. Today I put on some make up, thinking that if I looked more like me than I might feel more like me. Funnily enough, it didn’t work. It did however, make me feel a little bit better.
I am frustrated that I haven’t bounced back but in truth I’m annoyed that I allowed myself to slip back. I know that I am not at fault and not to blame for what has happened. I did not ask to be bullied. I have no control over others but I can control what I do. I’m really frustrated that I’ve had a setback and it triggered me and has taken me back to a place I never wanted to revisit.
I feel a bit lost. I’ve lost myself. I’m also looking for a quick fix to get me back when I know that is unrealistic and not going to make me feel better, let alone get me back to where I want to be. I’m not naive and I know that like good physical health, good mental health takes work. I also know that I need to be kinder to myself.
What is really frustrating me is not being able to visit my parents. I feel that some time at home would do me the world of good. I need to be patient (not one of my strong points) and wait till it is safe to do so. I need to acknowledge that some of my anxiety is due to Coronavirus and the necessary restrictions that are in place to keep us safe from this awful virus. We are living in uncertain and worrying times.
What has not helped is the crick in my neck that I woke up with on Wednesday. Not only do I have to deal with a ‘pain in the neck’ at work, now I have an actual pain in my neck! I am a firm believer that issues/ concerns manifest themselves physically. I also believe that dreams reflect our feelings about our waking lives, it is no coincidence that recently I have been dreaming about expressing anger and frustration and also about breaking a glass. The latter showing that I have lost my self confidence and don’t feel in control. (https://dreamastromeanings.com/dreams-about-broken-glass-interpretation-and-meaning/ )
I have made some progress. I started counselling and feel like I’ve made great strides. I now really understand what I’m dealing with. Now I just need to deal with it – this is the bit that I’m struggling with. I don’t feel strong enough to do that just yet. All in good time. I will get there. I will get my sass back.
