I never thought that I’d write this post. I was being naive. I have recently been informed that none of my allegations of bullying against my supervisor have been substantiated. To say I was shocked is a massive understatement. (Read My experience of workplace bullying here)
It really made me question myself. I know 100 percent that I was bullied. They chose to believe the “evidence” presented by my supervisor. They got away with it before so really I should’ve expected it. What I have come to realise is that I will no longer accept another person’s version of me. What version of me they create is exactly that. Their creation. I am not what they made me out to be.
What matters most now, is me and my mental health. I am still healing from the trauma that I have experienced. I regret that I was not able to make my complaint sooner but I actually believed my bully. I have learned so much from this. I will never doubt myself again. I will also talk to those I trust.
I will build my boundaries stronger and develop my assertiveness. Never again will I be in that situation. I deserve better.
The key lessons I have learned are report it as early as you can and gather evidence. Make sure that you have documentary evidence as well as dates, times and places, witnesses too if possible. My supervisor would bully me one to one and disguised it as support around my poor practice. My supervisor is a nasty piece of work. I wasn’t the first and I won’t be the last.
Despite several medical professionals advising that my anxiety is caused by and exacerbated my work situation, I am also being denied a transfer away from my current supervisor. For an organisation that purports to understand the impact mental health can have on people. This feels like they are sticking two fingers up to me. It also demonstrates that they have no understanding of mental health and the impact of trauma.
I am really struggling. I know I cannot stay in my current job. The thought of having to go back is terrifying. (Financially, its a reality that I have to face.) I am looking for a new job and I am finding it really challenging. I hadn’t realised how much my experience has impacted my confidence. I am full of self-doubt and fear. My anxiety has also gone into overdrive to the point that I’m struggling to even fill in application forms. I’m stuck in the mire and have taken procrastination to a whole new level.
I know that I have to make myself take action. My anxiety is affecting my IBS and I have a UTI brewing just for good measure. I am really worn down by all this. I am trying to think positive and repair myself but I need to be patient. The damage was inflicted over a long period of time so it’ll take time to repair. I just need to be patient and take care of myself. 
