My anxiety comes and goes but when it’s here, it is bad. Today, it is very much making it’s presence felt. I know why I’m feeling anxious, but it doesn’t make it easier. The sick feeling in my stomach and constant feeling of impending doom. My mood is also very low today. I have low energy and zero motivation. Everything feels like a huge effort and I get very easily frustrated. My patience is almost non-existant.
Since I last wrote about my anxiety, I’ve undergone a mental health assessment and had my medication tweaked. The good news is that my anxiety is situational and it is my anxiety that causes my low mood. I’ve been prescribed Quetiapine to help my sleep. I don’t feel it has helped. I was told it would “knock me out.” It doesn’t. It leaves me feeling tired and groggy in the morning and my sleep has gotten worse in that I’m getting less sleep now than I was before. Last night also saw the return of my nightmares. Sigh.
Action is pending but it’ll depend if I’m able to participate, i.e. is my mental health up to it. I know I’m doing the right thing. I just want it all to be over. I don’t know if I’m up to reliving it all. I know I can’t stay home in my safety bubble forever and I want to get back to earning my living. Living on sick pay is more like an existence, I worry about every cent. I’ve never had a particularly extravagent lifestyle, but right now getting my monthly salary would feel like a lottery win.
I have another appointment tomorrow about my mental health. I’m particularly anxious because it’s with a doctor that I don’t know. (The doctor I’ve seen previously isn’t available.) Maybe I should’ve asked for the appointment to be rescheduled but there’s also part of me that just wants to get it over and done with. I forsee another restless night and nightmares tonight.
